Buford and Festus were talking one afternoon when Buford tells Festus, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different.

The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Mabelene got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas,and Mabelene got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Mabelene didn't get pregnant again."

Festus asks Buford, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Buford says, "This year I'm taking Mabelene with me."

Thnaks to Dawna for this one...

Buford and Festus were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Buford, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Festus shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde!

We ask for the height, and she gives us the length!"

Yahoo! News - You Probably Don't Want to Drive Behind This Guy

This dude failed his driver's examination 271 times before passing.

271 TIMES!

What do you bet he moves to New York to drive a taxi?

Songs of the 60s, 70s and 80s

Some of the artists of the '60s are revising their hits with new lyrics
to appeal to aging baby boomers. They include:

Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker

The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash

Ringo Starr - I Get By With a Little Help from Depends

Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now

Paul Simon - Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

Marvin Gaye - I Heard it Through the GrapeNuts

Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade of Hair

Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations - Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

Abba - Denture Queen

Tony Orlando - Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if you Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy - I am Woman, Hear me Snore

Willie Nelson - On the Throne Again

Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want To