Great jokes that I've come across. Most of them will be clean, but if they're not, simply click away.

Monday, February 28, 2005

Physical Exam

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady,
entered the doctor's office.

"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.

"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take
your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue...."

Friday, February 25, 2005

Oxymorons


Act naturally
Found missing
Resident alien
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Airline food
Good grief
Same difference
Almost exactly
Government organization
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Legally drunk
Silent scream
Living dead
Small crowd
Business ethics
Soft rock
Butt Head
Military Intelligence
Software documentation
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
'Now, then ...'
Synthetic natural gas
Passive aggression
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Temporary tax increase
Computer jock
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Computer security
Political science
Tight slacks
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Diet ice cream
Working vacation
Exact estimate
Microsoft Works"

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Silly Buddhist Joke

A Buddhist Zen master went up to a hot dog vendor at a baseball game
and said, "Make me one with everything."

When the Zen master paid with a twenty-dollar bill, the hot-dog vendor
put the bill in the cash drawer.
"Where's my change?" the Zen master asked.

"Change must come from within," the hot-dog vendor replied.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Buford's new truck

One day, Festus was walking down Main Street when he
saw Buford driving a brand new pickup.
 
Buford pulled up to him with a wide grin.
 
"Buford, where'd you get that truck?!?"
 
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Buford  replied.
 
"She gave it to you?  I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a
new truck?"
 
"Well, Festus, let me tell you what happened. We were
driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive,
and headed into the woods.  She parked the truck, got out, threw
off all her clothes and said 'Buford, take whatever you want'.
 
So I took the truck!"
 
Buford , you're a smart man!.  Her clothes woulda never fit you".

 

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Dribbleglass.com--Wit and Wisdom of Homer Simpson

Homer Simpson is one of the great philosophers of our time.

I can't guarantee that all of these were actually said by him, but I had a great deal of belly laughing going down the list.