DENNIS MILLER'S ADVICE TO MEN ABOUT WHAT WOMEN WANT

ONE - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.

TWO - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to
subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.

THREE - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity
and power they possess as lifegivers and come up with some
decent, affordable childcare. That way, maybe poor single
mothers can go to work and get off welfare and we won't have to
listen to any more idiots in Congress blathering about
orphanages.

FOUR - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys.
Look at...say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle next
to you. You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's a
slacking, worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30 percent
less than Carl. Hellooo....

FIVE - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask,
"Who's your daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.

SIX - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming
out. Words are kind of important.

SEVEN - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill
rock stars to have women their own age in their videos.

EIGHT - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now,
Clouseau, you should know if she came.

NINE - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to ask
for directions.

TEN - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off your
dick in your sleep, take it like a man.